Building A Synergistic Relationship

Building A Synergistic Relationship

Here are some thoughts from one of my colleagues, Keith Ferrazi… not bad things to think about as you network.



Think of your favorite relationships—people who make you feel really good and who bring out your best qualities. What does it do to your sense of self when someone reveals your brilliance by showing you how you are smart? You hold your head higher and feel more confident in your abilities. This creates a truly synergistic relationship with the other person. Wouldn’t you love to turn around and unlock the unique brilliance in others so they can make that same, life-changing discovery about themselves and show up brilliant wherever they go?

In her new book Brilliance by Design, my friend Vicki Halsey shares that helping someone discover his or her own unique brilliance may be the greatest legacy you can leave, whether you are a leader, parent, friend, teacher, or coach. But we may be missing the opportunity to help others find and claim their brilliance in our efforts to be the brilliant one.

Use the following tips to build synergistic relationships by unleashing the brilliance in others.

Learn about people’s passions. You can’t connect with others if you don’t know anything about them. So, who are they? Ask lots of questions. What inspires or drives them? What are their goals? What have they learned recently?

Get over yourself. Flip your focus from yourself to the other person. When you say to yourself, “He hates me” or “She thinks I’m stupid,” you are making someone else’s behavior about you. Change your perspective. For instance, if you are thinking, “I want her to think I’m smart” flip your focus to “I want her to be smart.”

Listen to their stories. Stories help people relate to our collective wisdom and remember ideas. Tell your own stories and listen carefully to theirs.

Make connections. When interacting with small groups, be a “connector” by calling out each person’s unique talents or strengths. Help people connect the dots and see that two or more heads really are better than one.

Avoid assumptions. Avoid making judgments or assumptions about people, and concentrate instead on learning more about them and caring about their success. Take the learner path, not the judger path.

Set people up to win and to BE smart. Everyone has something to offer, so give others the chance to shine. Throughout your interaction, ask questions that spotlight the other person’s knowledge and skills. If you are teaching them something, help people to “get it right” in their own unique way.

To contact Vicki Halsey, or to order her book, please go to

For discussion on the Blog: Does how we perceive our own intelligence and abilities determine our success?




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